Last year Katie made a new year’s resolution for me: to write down an idea for a film every day. I didn’t stick to it very well and gave up completely around Easter, but at least one good thing came out of it: the idea for Stop/Eject. (Just seventeen days to go – make your pledge now or never.)

I’m going to do it again this year, but here is a selection of the ideas I came up with in 2011…

22/1/11 – WHEN TRAFFIC CONES TURN BAD: What if the cones declared war on us? Perhaps starting subtly, by guiding drivers to the wrong places. Perhaps the mortal enemy of the cones is the Sat Nav.

16/2/11 – TROJAN HORSE: Aliens make contact and give humanity an impressive gift – which turns out to be full of alien invaders.

19/2/11 – A tramp who lives in a junkyard builds a rocket and flies to the moon.

24/2/11 – LAPTOP: Future-set film about robots that have laptops built into their laps. Awkward!

25/2/11 – Reality is controlled by some small children who do annoying things like removing objects from reality for a few minutes so people think they’ve lost them and hunt high and low only to later find them in the first place they looked.

5/3/11 – Clouds are really floating sheep-like creatures.  Now imagine how freaky the shepherds must be.

7/3/11 – 4OD: Film about an infuriatingly shit on-demand TV website

16/3/11 – THE POINTLESS TOWN: Documentary about a reporter trying to find out just what the point of Leominster is.

17/3/11 – THE POINTLESS CITY: Sequel to the above, in which the same reporter visits Hereford.

20/3/11 – Psychological thriller about a man who descends into madness after repeatedly having good ideas for films and forgetting them before he gets around to writing them down.

1/4/11 – APRIL FOOL: Jim Carey vehicle in which an intelligent, successful businessman is cursed by a vengeful ex such that his IQ is temporarily slashed on April 1st each year, which always seems to coincide with a really important meeting at which it’s vital he makes a good impression.